Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
