doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
