We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
