she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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