trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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