lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Small penises have feelings too.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
organizing the empties. That sober.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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