Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
