i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
