so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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