worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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