What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
