If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Pants are for mortals
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
