You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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