The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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