she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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