I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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