I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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