You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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