But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
