Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
