Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
