I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
