How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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