i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
