There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
