if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
not ubering you a puppy
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
