in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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