i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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