Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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