I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
