Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
