i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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