oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
