New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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