mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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