I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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