I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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