you didnt know i had herpes?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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