Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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