More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize