I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
