I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
