just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
