please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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