Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My vagina is very pro this idea
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