Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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