I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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