have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Randomize
