I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize