Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
