Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
