They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
