what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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