haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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