Pants 0. Shit 1.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize