you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
