You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
