Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
