you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
