It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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