I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize