she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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