Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's just like the Real World with babies
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
