I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
