I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
