I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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