I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
