it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
