I hate your face
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
