So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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