it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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