pedialite and red bull = repair kit
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
