No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
