Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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