Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
