Do vagina's smell?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
