if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
