Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
