Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
