dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
