you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
