Will you blow on my dice?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
