I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
