I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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