I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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