First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
tell me about the fingering
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
