I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
