Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
