I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize