This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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