Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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