So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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