i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
