im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
