ya dads aren't the best wingmen
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
