definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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